Memories

I can't begin to count the moments I have had in the past twelve years where I have had a strong yearning for my grandparent's farm. Many mornings I lie in bed with my eyes closed for a little longer simply because in my mind I am laying in a big comfy bed in grandma's great big farmhouse. It's as if I know my grandmother will burst through the door at any moment if I just keep my eyes shut a few more seconds. To this day when I catch a wiff of a cornfield somewhere, the smell always takes me back and I'm sitting on the big bales of hay in the chicken coup playing with lady bugs, or running through the cornfield to get to the pond, or sitting on the swingset watching the sqirrels and the birds. I've had dreams of this place at least once a week for over twelve years, and I think it's because I know deep down I will never have these experiences again for as long as I live.
Now I find myself having similar dreams about our home in Chesterton! How silly is that? Last night I dreamt that it was springtime at the Lakeshore and the kids and I were riding our bikes on the bike trails, stopping to look at all of the different flowers and strange bugs, (which is exactly what we were doing the week before we left). We rode our bikes until we reached the beach and made sand castles...then we waded in the water and rode home. So this morning when I woke up I imagined Mike and I were laying in our bed in our townhouse in Chesterton and everything was glorious! Until I heard the noise outside and it snapped me back into reality.... Don't get me wrong, I like the town we live in...but there was just something about Chesterton, and the lake, and the beach.
I do these kinds of things a lot, I will dream about something that I yearn for but that I know I will never have or know again and it can be a little depressing! (I even do it with food....I crave red indian soft serve ice cream from the Litchfield tasty freeze almost every day!)
I still have dreams that my grandmother is alive and she passed away twelve years ago. Now my grandfather has had to sell their farm and I guess that's why I'm being so sappy....a part of my childhood is gone. I'd give anything for just one more day of my childhood back to spend with my grandmother on that farm, even just to sit in her lap and feel her arms around me. The thought of never feeling that again is overwhelming and when I think about it sometimes I can't breathe...maybe that's why God gives me these dreams? So that I can feel her with me again?